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Hey guys, live is stressful right now and but I will update more frequently again:)

So diet... don't went so great. Still way aroud 262 lb and have quite a few bad days last week, but it getting better again :) I will probably skip weight watchers. It starts to freak my out. I really get under presure the day before weight in, and I crashed the last two weeks. It is... just a bad energy for me at least right now. It triggers a lot of selfhate right now *sigh*

But I got a job. ^^ I am sooo excited. I didn't sign the contract yet, but I got the phone call that they want me and I am really excited :)

okay, I have towrite letters now. Have a great day :)

eating, college and a mean online game...

I love simple but good online games. Swords and Potion is one of them, you've a buisness and have to create with a tailor, sorceress, blacksmith and a carpenter stuff you can sell. You can robe other shop-owners and sometimes there is a quest or you can find an adventurere in your shop who you can sponsor and get a part of his treasur afterwards. It is nice... It is simple and I am in the top 650 player. But the worst: It is addictive! I'm playing it all the time! Hopefully I can change it, because I really need to do something for college.

Today I would have wrote Linguistic, buuuut I am sick. *sigh* So I will write it in March and hopefully will pass it, because there will not be a second try.

Yeah, so after I gained 1 kg last week I've lost 600 gramm this week. xD So still not happy with it, but I hope that I will get my first star this week in my meeting. But I will see it on Saturday. Till there my plan is to stay in my budget and do more sports then last week. Bcause there is a problem with the AC I don't have Zumba right now :/ I really miss it, so I hope it is soon fixed.

first answer...

so I got an invite for an appointment at an assessement center in two weeks. Press yours thumbs for me. It would be great to get this job. :) I would earn double (after tax) then my last job and I think it would really be a good thing on my CV. It would be so great. I could save up for my wedding. <3 (and pay my rent and insurance *sigh*)


dietCollapse )

ARGH... I should learn for my exam which takes place tomorrow, but... I'm not only not learning, no I am actually forgot to sign in for it. ARGH. So I couldn't even write when I want to. That is just really annoying. *sigh*
But I have to learn for the one I am signed in which takes places the monday afterwards. Hopefully it iwll be managable. I will try the four day plan angels_magnet gave me.
Otherwise I didn't get a positive answer on my job search. I got one answer but I didn't replied on it yet. I got it on Wednesday. Don't tghink I will get or take the job. It is really early and... I don't know. I think it doesn't have enough hours. But Jesus, I really need to find something and search better and more effective, but I am so freaking scared for a "no" that I'm actually not even try with my whole heart. *sigh* But that has to change. I have to write at least seven application this week. That is my goal. Hopefilly I can manage it :/

have a great sunday. :)

eating clean

So we ordered chinese yesterday night (right now it is like 8 am in Germany and I'm awake since 4) and I had not the most healthiest choice (stir fried noodles with fried chicken and sweat sour sauce). So it was delivered and the portion was huge. I forgot how much they give one, but normally I don't really care when I eat something nice. I would eat till the plate is empty. *sigh* But not yesterday. I ate nearly half of it and then stopped. What is already a huge thing for me. :) Unfortunately even when I didn't feel really stuffed while or shortly after the meal, I started to feel really bloated after like three hours afterwards and it didn't stop after my short sleep. I even think this feeling of bloating is one of the reason why I slept so badly. :/
You can imagine that this was not the first time that I couldn't sleep because of eating to much or the wrong stuff before and it is definitive not the first time I feel bad (more physical as mentally) for pigging out. So I decided that I try to eat now as clean as posible. I will try to make a real cut and I know that it will be hard, but I eat all this crap and feel bad afterwards. I don't want to feel bad because of it anymore :).

So I will keep you updated how it will work out for me.
have a great day!

cross posted in: wtloss4life

book 1

So this is my first book this year:

Ach So!Warum Der Apfel Vom Baum Fällt Und Weitere Rätsel Des AlltagsAch So!Warum Der Apfel Vom Baum Fällt Und Weitere Rätsel Des Alltags by Ranga Yogeshwar

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Mae_ve The first Chapters were really interesting and I really enjoyed his way to explain how things like the skin on warm milk will accure. The explaination was easy to understand and often build in with personal anecdotes. So he explains not only physics in this books, but also why one of the first financial crisis stands in connection with tulips or why the teddy bear has its name.
The only down point is the last chapter. There he change the way and talks about moral questions and I think his arguments there is not always really accurate nor did I really enjoy this change in concept. That is why I gave one star less

(Oh, and how you see it in the title: it's a German book)

View all my reviews


o.O WTF Happened?

Right now I don't feel good about myself. I am eating FAR to much, I am sitting FAR to much and doing NOTHING. I'm writing my first exam in less than two weeks and I am sitting and watching movies the whole freaking way.
I am not prour of myself right now.
Gained a lot of weight since last week. :-/ But that will change now. I will write now everyday a food log here...
So my weight this evening is: 262.79 lbs.
So lets hope that structure will bring me through this. I didn't effectly lose anything on weight watchers yet, because I am bending the freakig rules the whole time ._.

But I held my presentation on comfort women last thursday and it was great :) The professor really liked it and I had great time management. Now I have to write a 20 pages long about the topic. 'It will be hard, because 20 pages are long and I need a great structure for my argument. But because I focus on the international pressure to cope with a topic I think it will be okay :)

Oh, I have to show you a great stamp I got with a really beautiful christmascard from Japan. Isn't it just cute?:
2013-01-15 23.41.36

and I wanted to show off my great calender. I got it from an crafters and artist market in my hometown. I could buy everything from there but I "just" bought this. But got a lot of inspiration for next crafting projects. :)


Wish you all the best :)

happy new year :) /resolution time/ xD

So, I decided to go to none party at all and now I have an argument with one of my friends. I'm inreliable I know that and I am really sorry about it. But mostly it is because of my social anxiety. I can't tell her that, because I don't think that more people need to know that, but it is really horrible *sigh*. I thought it was better and... no, it was better for a short periode of time but than it rebuild itself and now I'm as fearful as before. ._. I should think about a therapy again...

But I have resolutions for next year and hopefully they will help me a little bit with my depression and all that shit. :)

weight loss and fitness
  • losing 3 kg per month
  • earning 12 stars by that
  • be able to run a 8 k
  • be able to go the stairs up by my moms house without being out of breath
  • fit in my "thin" clothes
  • drink less diet stuff

  • earn my BA
  • do an intership as archivist
  • pass latin 1
  • learn for freaking latin 2
  • learn to use "long" words xD
hobbies and daily life
  • read a book a week (and write about it)
  • finish my scarf
  • go into the "Lebra Museum"
  • be more tidy
  • learn regularly
  • don't do everything in the last second
  • meet friends more often
I've a few other wishes. I would like to learn japanese and finnish; I want to see a few great concerts (hopefully one of Children of Bodom) and to get my real engagement ring this year. But I think this is managable and I hope I will reach it :)

Happy New Year

Christmas ^___^

Merry Christmas :)
I hope everybody had a great time with families and friends. Today love's aunt is coming and we have our third but last Christas meal. Jesus, I love Christmas but somehow I am also glad that it is over soon and I can go back to normal. :-/ I mean the eating thing is not really the reason, because I am in my Points range and I think when I am lucky it could also be a weight loss on my meeting on thursday evening. :D That would be soooo awesome!
Otherwise I really need to go back to normal, because I need a job soon. *sigh* I've money till February and then I will have a really big problem. But I have the hope that I will get something. I'm a little bit upset, because I had a trial working day a few weeks ago and they didn't even bother to call to say that I didn't make it. I think that is really unfair :(
Also I am quite depressed because of this unsure situation. I want to have something secure what is not as bad as my last job *sigh* It seems that this is the freaking problem :(
Otherwise it was really nice. I enjoyed my time with family. I played with them the new Super Mario for the Wii U and old school monopoly xD. I lost in the last and I really hate it. I'm such a bad loser. :/
Yeah, otherwise I am doing to less for college and household but I hope that will change again tomorrow. *sigh*

Have a great day.

weight watchers... again?

First off all: Merry Christmas. I hope you can enjoy the holiday with your loved ones. :)
In Germany Christmas Eve is the really big thing and I will go today to my Granny <3 Nearly the whole family will be there and I am already pretty excited. Unfortunately I couldn't sleep one freaking second ._. I hope I can have a nap at sometime today otherwise I probably will be a little bit bitchy and I don't want that today.
Gosh, I just looooove Christmas.

So since five weeks I am back on weight watchers and go to the meeting and all this little fun stuff and even through Christmas backery, Christmas Market and university stress I lost something around 4 lbs till now :) I am really happy about that and I hope it will keep going like that :) For Christmas Eve I already counted the points and I think I will be okay. Even when... yeah, it's feels kind of strange not to be able to eat everything. But I know that I don't want to eat everything. I want to have potion control and so it is inportant that I know my points before hand. :) So I am okay with it.

Have a great day everyone.

Love mae.ve